I must be cycling into a depression zone. There is no sun outside, my workouts have produced no weight loss, and have only served to provide me with an incredibly stiff neck and a pinched nerve, the effects of which are causing me increased stress, incredible laziness and an enormous appetite, (or cravings perhaps, who can tell when I’m feeling this way.)
I have consumed two bags of popcorn, 94% fat free, of course, so I am justifying it; 5 chocolate kisses, the remains of my York Peppermint Patty mints, and a carafe of chai tea, sugar free, (so it doesn’t really count, right?)
I have been reading through my usual list of blogs today hoping for inspiration, motivation, something to help me out of this dump I am in—nothing. I have come away feeling more lonely, isolated and exceptionally boring. I long for the relationships with women that so many of you have out there in bloggyland. I am tired of being a stay at home mom, not really the Mom part, just tired of staying at home. I want excitement. I want a reason to get up in the morning; I want a reason to meet my children with a happy face and a batch of cookies. I do not want to deny them yummy treats because I can’t have them. I want to provide them with a “hit me in the face” fragrance of baked goodies right when they walk through the door. Isn’t that what being a mom is all about?
I always get this way when Hubs leaves, why is that I wonder? Am I so dependant on him, that when he is gone I can’t function? Is it that a part of my heart goes with him when he leaves and I am left with a gaping hole? Why do I slip into this depression? During his previous TDY excursions, I have been pregnant and I attributed my feelings to hormonal changes. This time, that is not the case, I’m just depressed, in a funk, down, and I don’t want to snap out of it, darn it!
Boo is crying in his crib, I think I’ll go join him.