Saturday, March 29, 2008

Eyes Wide Open

I. Can. Not. Sleep! My heart is racing, my mind is whirring, and I’m all jittery. I feel like I’m on speed! (Not that I have ever taken it to be able to compare, what kind of person do you think I am, really!) But wow, why won’t my head shut off.

Is it excitement about seeing Bear, is it excitement about seeing my mom and my niece? What is the deal here, I’ll be a wreck on the side of the road driving to SeaTac if I don’t get some rest.

I’ve been up to pee, I’ve painted my nails, I helped a little Bubby go potty and change his jammies, (poor Ace fell asleep in his jeans during movie and pizza night,) I’ve tossed, turned, thumped pillows, wrestled with the sheets.

I am anxious to see my sweetheart, I told him I feel like a giddy teenager on a first date. I’m looking forward to long talks with him, without interruptions. Our conversations of late have been broken and disjointed. Little ones always seem to need Mamma’s attention and/or discipline when I’m on the phone to Daddy. Bear has even had interruptions on his end. The other day another Chaplain came to the door and asked to use his computer, so the phone call was again interspersed with broken conversations.

I just want to BE there already.

Boo has been waking up the past few nights. I wonder if he is feeling anxious as well. I know that sometimes little ones can sense that something is amiss, but can’t really figure out what to do about it. He is comforted by Mamma’s touch and voice, and then goes back to sleep. What will he do when I’m gone? Will Leesh be an acceptable replacement? Probably not. Will he be mad at me for leaving? Robby doesn’t want to talk to Daddy on the phone when he calls, it’s like he’s mad at him for leaving. These poor little guys have gone through a lot of separations with two deployments under their belts already in their short little lives.

This was a rambling, incoherent post; I just had to do something instead of staring at the green lights on the alarm clock. I thought maybe if I journalled, it would help. I feel like I need a sleeping pill. Or maybe a brick. But who would hurl it at my head?

Yawning now, we’ll try this sleeping thing again. Posting this, turning off the computer, going upstairs, we’ll see…


We Are A Happy Family said...

We love you Mary. We will pray for your kids , Gram, Leesh and of course you and Barry. Hope that you have a wonderful vacation.

<---That Girl said...

I'm excited for you to have your man back! I've been through that one many times in the AF, It's awesome when they get back!!! *wink*
On a side note, if you're ever in need of help sleeping in the future, go to Wal-mart and pick up a bottle of Melatonin. It's a natural sleep aid with no side affects and it's non addictive...and it's better than a brick *L* I'd never be without it. It takes about ten minutes to work but it's never failed me.

Emily said...

2am? All you need is that time well spent with the husband....I could say something crass here, but I won't.

But you know what I'm saying. (esp. after 20 years!)

kmom3 said...

I am so excited for you MaryLu!
Have a GREAT time! :)
Praying for you and your family!


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