Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Gonna be real here folks.

I decided a long time ago that this blog was mostly for me. I'm not out to impress anyone with sewing skills, canning abilities or Biblical knowledge. This is my journal, I've just invited you all along for the ride. So, this is what my journal entry is for today.

Today sucks. Big time. It started out rotten and just got worse.

I volunteer at the food bank; and this morning was our volunteer breakfast. I was told it started at 7:30, didn't start until 8 or maybe even 8:30. No set time, why even bother, no one else seems to have a schedule or a life.

So, I arrive and no one else was there. Ok, there was this one guy, but he's mostly a creep and I don't get a long with him. I talked, dug through my small talk repertoire and got more irritated as the morning went on.

So finally everyone else arrived, we ate, and I scooted out before the "I appreciate you, but this is my program and I'll tell you how wonderful I am." speech.

By the time I got home, the house was a wreck, Chels had run off, Miss Busy had broken a hole in the door and the phone was ringing long distance from Iraq.

The kids ran out the door and hopped on the bus before I really knew what had happened.

I then got the vacuuming done because there was food all over the floor, and headed out the door with Boo in the stroller to do my 3-mile walk. We did 1/4 mile before it started raining on us. I stuck it out and did 1.25 miles and we came home. Cold, wet and more cranky.

The babysitter came and took Boo upstairs for his nap, she doesn't sit with him until he falls asleep, so he gets up and gets into mischief. (Ok, I probably shouldn't sit until he is good and asleep, but I like having a bit of control over the situation.)

It turns out that sometime while she was here, he got into a game board that my uncle made and scattered pieces all over my bedroom an his bedroom. The other day I shampooed acrylic paints out of the girls' carpet because of his mischief.

Work was sucky, we were arranging fabric, and it's hard on my hands to move the bolts of fabric all over, they are heavy and I have carpel tunnel syndrome. It irritated me to have to rearrange stuff like that. Espeially when after the day crew leaves, the girl I work with at night has quit and sits in front of the computer if there are no customers. I hate just sitting. I don't want to BS with someone all night long. When I'm not doing anything it seems like this job is a waste of my time when I could be home taking care of my children.

So after work, when I came home I got the report, Ace had a nose bleed, Miss Busy had a scratched eye, no chores had been done, yet they were all sitting in front of the TV.

Then after dinner, which wasn't too fabulous either, the school counselor called me and said that Chels had come to school crying and was all upset about the morning's activities.

I never should have gone to that stupid appreciation breakfast, I can feel sufficiently appreciated if I just stay home and help my children.

I'd really like to just start this day all over again. Crawl back under the covers and sleep until noon. I'm feeling like having a good cry, but that would be unproductive. I'd really like to just go to bed, but that would be unproductive. There is laundry that needs done, sewing that needs finished, projects of my own that I would like to work on just for the pleasure of doing them, but I'm feeling pressure from all the "must do's".

Stop the world, I wanna get off.


fawndear said...

You totally deserve a good cry. I blubber all the time and you know, it really does help to vent instead of holding it all in. Just try to do it after the kiddo's are asleep or they'll start spreading rumors.

I think there has to be an eternal law that you can't have two horribly terrible days in a row. So tomorrow should be much better.

Hang in there.

Quilting: My Way said...

I understand those feelings, but I also know that this too shall pass. I used to dread the first 6 weeks of the real deployment because it seemed like everything was so much harder some days. It gets better further into the time, but that doesn't make it better now. You are in my thoughts and prayers. You have to believe there is light at the end of the journey.

Anonymous said...

Oh, I am so sorry ! I hate days like that!! Sometimes life just sucks. I've been feeling blue lately, and I'm starting to "anticipate" Feb. 18th. It's making me worried, anxious, sad, and all those other things. Be grateful that you have work to do and children to tend to. They will grow up and be gone before you know it. And they will be your best friends-I know it!!! You are such a good mommy! And you are so talented and amazing! You always have such a positive attitude, and get so much accomplished. I love you and miss you !! XO Nin

MaryLu said...

Nin, I think that's part of the problem. I've been thinking about our "anniversary grief." Without realizing it, I have pushed all my emotions to the surface. Having Bear gone makes it harder, Knowing that he is in a hazardous situation.
I thought that the reason I cried all the time during his last two deployments was because I was pregnant, but I think it's just because he's gone.


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