Friday, January 15, 2010

Green

I'm seeing jealousy rearing its ugly head. I don't like it and I'm trying to figure out how to get rid of it.

On Bear's last deployment he had a different assignment, he was the Chaplain's assistant and this time he's the Chaplain. He's doing a much different job, one that doesn't really have a start or a stop time. This job involves presence--just being there for the guys, hanging out where they hang out, conversing, getting to know them, their families and their concerns. I know this and yet, I'm sort of feeling like he doesn't want to hang out with me. You see, we are both on facebook but he never seems to be on to chat with me. I know he's doing what he needs to, and I know in my head that this is his calling, yet in my heart I can't help feeling like he doesn't want to spend more time with me.

Oh, I know the way he is--once he has his assignment he is very determined to do the best job that he can. He is very compartmentalized and puts things on the home front out of his mind so that he can focus on the task at hand.

He is a good soldier, and a good chaplain, and he is loved by his soldiers and can relate to them because he was been in their boots for 17 years. I don't mean to dis my husband on this forum, this is more about me and my jealousy than about Bear. It needs to stop. I need to get over it and seek solace from the One who will never leave me.

"It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” (Deuteronomy 31:8) I'm not fearful, but I am dismayed. He has commanded it, and so now I must do it.

Please pray with me in this.

2 comments:

Quilting: My Way said...

I have been thinking about this situation of yours. Part of my 29 years a career officer's wife understands exactly what you mean about being out of the loop when my husband is deployed. However, I think there is something more to your situation. Wasn't it a long haul with both of you fighting the battle to get him back in uniform and get everything else on track financially, etc? Maybe you have to deal with it on a regular basis, but he is living his dream job. I will pray for you both.

Ms Hen said...

sending prayers. Thou will be done.

 

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