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Showing posts from January, 2010

Symbiosis and dividends...

This deployment is different than all the others. Well, for one, this time Bear is the Chaplain, and not the Chaplain assistant. This time he doesn't carry a weapon, which given the success rate of his firing range experience, that's not a bad thing. This time he is in a different role, and this time, so am I. I have mentioned before, I think, how I never wanted to be a Chaplain's wife, but through the examples of Godly women in my life and the Holy Spirit working on my heart over the past 16 years, He has changed me. But at the same time, God knows our needs, our strengths and our weaknesses. I have a friend, Laura , who has stepped into the role of Chaplain's wife so beautifully it constantly amazes me. She is loving, and a truly compassionate partner to her Chaplain/husband through some very difficult circumstances, and God has built a ministry to the spouses of her husband's soldiers through Laura. She has been a comfort to hurting wives and families in her husb

Flying out...

I thought it would be easier to say goodbye this time. I had already held him in my arms one last time and kissed him goodbye. He's been TDY since Jan 2nd, so I really thought that this would be just an extension of that absence. Not so. We spoke on the phone today. He told me he was flying out to the sandbox in the next hour or so. We told each other "I love you!" and my voice cracked. I cried. I hope he didn't hear it in my voice. He thinks I'm strong. He knows I am capable of changing a tire or climbing up on the roof to check the shingles. He's seen me balance the calendars of 5 kids and be nursemaid, chef, and taxi driver. It's just that my best friend is no longer here. He's not in this state, he's not even in our country. That makes me sad. It made me cry to think that he was going so far away. I don't want him to think I can't do this. I can. I can if I remember Philippians 4:13 for Pete's sake! Because I am strong. "I can

Goals update

Well, after only a week, I have been up early 5 out of 7 days to do some sort of workout. I haven't completely fallen off the bandwagon and I'm feeling sore in places that I never knew could get sore. I have taken back one pair of shoes and I'm searching for another. I need a good supportive shoe in which I can do my aerobics workout. Even though I do it on the floor at home, I can't do it shoeless. So the last few days I've been doing Pilate's and targeted muscle toning. It feels good, but I'm not getting the caloric burn that I'd like to accomplish. I can't seem to stop putting calories in, however, and that is frustrating me. I'm trying to stay focused on the goal, and take baby steps. I have pretty much eliminated all the junk food in the house, but it is the quantity that I have a problem with now. There will always be an ongoing battle between fat-girl and skinny-girl inside me. I know I can do this, I've lost weight and felt good about

Green--revisited

So, apparently this is to be the characteristic that I am to work on this year. Jealousy. It has struck me again. I was telling a friend yesterday how I was feeling jealous because another friend's husband came home on R&R and I don't get to see Bear. Well, I just found out that spouses and girlfriends of Bear's contemporaries are flying to see them off. We can't go and now the ugly green monster has hit me again. Argh!! Why do I do this? I said goodbye already. Why does it bother me so when people get to do things that I can't? I must not let this get me down. This is not an attribute that God is proud of in me. I have a family to run and a household to take care of. Stop it! Stop it, right now, I say. In case you are reading this, Bear. I love you so much and wish that I could be there with you. I'll work on my heart and you stay steadfast. We'll be together in God's time.

Resolved...

I realize it is a little late for New Year's resolutions, but I wasn't in the right frame of mind then. I'm coming out of the fog now and I'm going to try and accomplish the following things this year. 1. Lose at least 30 pounds. If I can consistently lose about 2 pounds a week, I should be able to accomplish this goal in 15 weeks, or about 4 months. I've done it before and it takes consistent portion control and calorie counting. I haven't done very good with that lately. 2. Work out at least 4 times a week. That should be Step-aerobics, or a good hard walk, either around the block or on our 3-mile walking path. 3. Read through the entire Bible in a year. If I read at least 3 chapters a day and 5 chapters on Sunday, that will get me through in one year. I have some catch up to do as I haven't been reading for 2 weeks. But it will be easy to catch up. There are some other resolutions I'd like to work on, like finishing some UFO Quilting projects, budgeti

Green

I'm seeing jealousy rearing its ugly head. I don't like it and I'm trying to figure out how to get rid of it. On Bear's last deployment he had a different assignment, he was the Chaplain's assistant and this time he's the Chaplain. He's doing a much different job, one that doesn't really have a start or a stop time. This job involves presence--just being there for the guys, hanging out where they hang out, conversing, getting to know them, their families and their concerns. I know this and yet, I'm sort of feeling like he doesn't want to hang out with me. You see, we are both on facebook but he never seems to be on to chat with me. I know he's doing what he needs to, and I know in my head that this is his calling, yet in my heart I can't help feeling like he doesn't want to spend more time with me. Oh, I know the way he is--once he has his assignment he is very determined to do the best job that he can. He is very compartmentalized an

Update

Ok, it's about time! Time for me to update. Goodness, I had no idea I had been away that long. I do have [two] faithful readers so I'm doing them a disservice by not writing. Bear has a job as a Chaplain in the reserves. Because this is a public forum, I won't be posting dates and places because of OPSEC, but I will say this. He will be traveling in the next few weeks and we'll be getting overseas pay soon. God has faithfully and carefully led us to this point. I know this because it almost didn't happen, one person in authority said no, another person in authority said "yes we want you" and the second one of them got the paperwork done first and now Bear is in. We are so thankful to be finally back in where he can minister to the good soldiers of the armed forces. He has a wonderful Christian Chaplain's Assistant and they get long well. I have chatted with Bear's assistant and he assures me he will take good care of our Chaplain. For that I am tha